Oh roller coaster, you hellish feind.

So, I am terrible at this thing. I could blame a lot of different things, and I would be partly justified, but mostly, I am not motivated.

It's a catch 22 actually. When I'm happy, I'm busy and generally don't express my happiness this way. I'm doing things and expressing myself that way so I don't think to write and even if I did, how fun is it to say "I'm happy and I worked on such and such." It's just not that exciting you know? But when I'm down, depressed, or moody, I tend to write more, but then I re-read it and don't publish it because it's...well. Depressing. So there you go.

But today, I have been happy, sad, frustrated, I've mourned, I've laughed, I've cried, I've created, I've destroyed, I WON AT CHECKERS!!!!! I lost the battle of pretending my heart isn't hurting. I lied to myself, realized someone else is lying to me, I lied to someone else with a smile I pretended was real.

I am a roller coaster.

And I keep waiting for this to change. For some kind of balance to return to my life. No one really wants to be bipolar. But everyone is for at least a time, in my opinion, just that. Bipolar.

I hide it pretty well though. (you may be thinking "right. your roller coaster is in plain sight" but HA! Fooled you. You don't know the HALF of it!") There's just so much I don't, I can't say.

We've created all these outlets to say the things we need to, there's myspace, facebook, twitter, BLOGS. But I constantly catch myself wanting to say "Laura feels slightly brokenhearted" but I don't because there will be 20 posts asking "why?" and 50 texts guessing as to where this brokenness came from. And then everyone saying to each other "did you see Laura's twitter/status? You KNOW it was totally referring to what happened with so and so."

So I don't post it. It stays here inside and it builds up. I don't write songs about it either, because someone will figure out what it means. I don't write it in a journal because someone someday will find out how pathetic I really am.

So inside it stays threatening to burst out at any moment and attack some poor unsuspecting bystander. It weaves poetic lines that stay unwritten, unsung because my life is too small town, too open for me not to be embarrassed for the whole world to know what hides behind a smile and a laugh.

So I will stay vague and build my walls. Because it's safe. And it's what I can handle. And when you ask. I will not talk about it. Because it's too close, and there's too much pride here to let me.

But mostly, when I have had more sleep, I will regret this post in all it's depressing mediocrity.

Opinions or Opiates?

I keep meaning to write more. I determined to write everyday and now, in like, two weeks I've only written one blog. Meh. I like the idea of writing more than I actually like writing. Oh well.

So I would just like to get this off of my chest. I'm tired of opinionated people. I believe that everybody's entitled to their opinion, in fact I wholeheartedly encourage that you foster good ones and think for yourself...be your own person and all that.

I'm just tired of hearing them. Really, it's your right to express them, to argue your point, to tell me that the economy is no one's fault but "So and So's" and that you thought it was HILARIOUS that Bush almost got hit with a shoe.

I just really don't want to hear it anymore. Everybody's got something negative to say. Which is usually founded by half-truths and ignorance. I'm not even saying that I'm completely guilt-free. I think it's going to be a cold day in Hell before I get really excited about our upcoming president. But you aren't going to hear me threaten to move to Paris or bitch about how the country's going to the Crapper. Accept it. Move. On.

On the other hand: Stop bragging about a president that you didn't even do your research on and only elected because of the color of his skin. If I hear one more person say that Obama is already changing this country and has lowered gas prices, I think I'll vomit. HE HASN'T EVEN TAKEN OFFICE YET.

I am fully aware that there are many, many different opinions out there, I have friends on all different sides of the spectrum. All I'm asking is that you realize that the world will keep turning and people will not think you an idiot of you pass up on some chances to start "intellectual debates" with everything that breathes. You'd be surprised how many people value others who keep their opinions and world solutions to themselves until asked.

I'm just saying. I could use a little less tension and little more relaxation in my conversations please.

The first

I promised Katie, Katya, director of foreign affairs, that My first new blog would be about how wonderful and awesome she is.

So here it is.

Only a Tall, blond, Bitter and lovely girl could be wise and savvy enough to wear leggings and a sweater before and after their time. It takes true fashion prowess to achieve such Artistic timing. I mean, my one claim to fame is that I liked Michelle Branch before she was cool. (that was also before I knew she'd turn country and ruin my clean record of pure country hating)

Also. Kate here has a knack for being mean to the socially awkward that, while terrible in it's entirety, makes me laugh and sigh a sigh of relief that my own thoughts are justified.

Even if she won't get rid of certain smelly and potentially stalker-ish beings that may plague my life.

I still love her, friend that she is.